Thursday, May 8, 2014

Making, Wanting, Feeling

Making: art projects and paintings with the kids today.
Cooking: avocado pasta

Drinking: water. Staying away from coffee for a bit. Why must you taunt me?
Reading: E.E. Cummings - Selected Poems
Wanting: August to be here, to be in Maine with my love.
Looking: at blue sunny skies and doggies on walks
Playing: all day long with the munchkins, lately making pretend grocery lists and pretending to grocery shop in the kitchen.
Wishing: for complete contentment 
Enjoying: the sound of Feist
Liking: being barefoot
Wondering: what I should be doing for others, what I am forgetting, getting caught in my own concerns
Loving: motorcycle rides
Hoping: for a beautiful summer
Marveling: at love and it's strength
Needing: more sleep. Much much more sleep.
Smelling: my perfume
Wearing: pink! Which is surprising.
Following: my God
Noticing: how relationships grow and mold over time, and there is always hope for restoration
Knowing: self-care is essential, adequate sleep, food...
Thinking: always and maybe too much
Bookmarking: ideas that stir my soul
Opening: letters from loved ones
Giggling: with good friends
Feeling: thankful

Monday, May 5, 2014

Almost but not yet.

I am hearing birds sing their faint familiar song outside my window. I'm able to sense the sunshine and the warmth that calms me, delights me, soothes me. I'm seeing rabbits, two of them, playing and doing their rabbity things. I am in anticipation of spring which is upon us, so close I can taste it, but not here completely. I have hope that it will come and that it will be soon because I can hear the signs, see it in the distance, smell it. Yet it's not fully here like it usually is at this time... At least not the glorious, warm, bright, blossoming, vibrant spring that I know. No, that is not here yet, but we know it's coming. After a winter that was so cold it hurt my bones, I am longing for it, aching for it. And there's something about it being so close but yet so far, it's lingering in the horizon that seems all the more taunting, all the more brutal to wait. It is all that we can think about.

There is also something in the distance for me. Close, but not here yet. Something so good, but still has not come. I am so ready. Ready to be with the one I love most each and every day. Engagement should be a fun time, but as I long for spring, I also long for this time to be completed and to be with my bestfriend for the rest of my life.

I am not a normal bride in some respects. I do not particular enjoy wedding planning, or dwell on and get excited by all the small details. I am so excited for our wedding, but just more so to be with this man who I love so much. I am ready for this season to be over and I am ready for the spring, the new, all our adventures that are waiting for us to experience together. Meanwhile, I must wait with a contentment. I must wait with the hope that the new season is soon! Spring is right around the corner and I am so ready. But let me love this time between and this moment I am in. Let me learn to be content in this season, for none of us will ever get it back. Live with an appreciation of the now and not just a longing for the future. Let me be grateful for the hope that I do have. For what is right within my grasp. Let me realize that this time too, although maybe not as bright and colorful as spring, is a joyful time too and something to take pleasure in. May we all find the way to live life in this very moment, to soak it all in before it's gone forever. May we not wish our lives away but take part in what is around us. We have hope that spring will come, it always does.